Last week I wrote about my latest plans to finish off my manuscript and tomorrow I embark on 11 weeks of “Advanced Autobiographical Writing” at London’s CityLit with Sherri Matthews.
I am so looking forward to meeting her at last!
Of course this past week should have been about final preparations and only half way through did I wonder how I came to volunteer a guest post and fiction prompt at the Carrot Ranch when I already wasn’t feeling too well! I’d convinced myself I was past the worse but that turned out not to be – I’ve given into paracetamol, aspirin, decongestants and pouring oblas oil all over my nighty to try and sleep.
And then other things cropped up not worth going into but time and energy sucking stuff that meant I’ve felt completely stretched. The memoir ‘preparations’ have come down to the wire – But one more week wasn’t really going to solve something I’d already decided I need help with, was it?
Or maybe it was in a way.
Stretching It
Having posted a little more lately about memoir and then hosting the flash prompt, I’ve been having conversations with different and new people.
An interesting thread came back about my use of language compared to some American readers. Terms like ‘lay-by’ don’t translate and I had to read one flash response written in a colloquial form of American English, several times to ‘get it’.
None of this might seem relevant to my necessary preparations this week, but the irony of being stretched all ways is that, that in turn stretches your thinking and can wake dormant creative pathways. It turned into a notebook-in-the-night week with ideas popping into my head at typically 3 and 4 in the morning.
I have clarified a couple of themes I’ve been missing and also some problems to resolve – one of them is the different perspectives I can take looking back on my story. There are so many positives about still being here and so many nightmares I still relive. How do I balance that for the reader? What language will convey what I was feeling or experiencing? Which bits do they want to know?
What is a Memoir for?
The absolute point of memoir for me, is to share experience such that the reader can relate to it and possibly walk in the writer’s shoes for a few paces. There’s a lot to be learned about human nature and experience that way – hopefully enough to stretch our thinking so that we grow our understanding of others.
And if you face a similar challenge to me, are you looking for some inspiration? What if I fail to get that or my perspective across?
To confound this, I am no longer the person who lived parts of my story. I look at some of it from the outside. For a few pieces, I am unable or unwilling to get inside the Lisa it happened to.
Not unrelated to all this is how do I present my work tomorrow?
Sample Work
I have to choose some samples of up to 1500 words for possible group discussion.
What passage do I choose out of 80,000 words? What represents what I’m saying?
What am I saying?! I’m not clear about that which is why I’m doing this course anyway. So round and around my head it goes!
One piece does keep coming to mind and I’m going to share it with you. In a way it represents the bigger picture – a struggle to be normal when faced with fear and a foreshortened future. How all of that robs the joy from any moment.
In other ways it also questions the perspective that I should take after all this time. Shouldn’t I look back on some stuff with perhaps a different perspective? More joy, some relief? I can objectively, but day in day out, the horror and the fear doesn’t leave completely. Long term survival for many, continues like this and pretending I now live in a Disney world of ‘happily ever after’ would not only be a lie, but lead to other’s struggles feeling like failure, instead of the new kind of ‘success’.
Sharing the Story
Going forward, I thought I might sometimes like to share a small excerpt for feedback or help. This week I’m posting a short piece called London Zoo. Perhaps controversially for memoir (although not without precedent) it’s written in the 3rd person. It’s an example of a few ‘family outings’ we tried to have as photo opportunities. The stuff for Simon to show Max. “Here’s Mummy when..”
I can’t face writing it in 1st person so I wonder what you think? Does it matter?
If you want to read it, please click this link
April 20, 2016 at 4:19 pm
Oh Lisa, it was so wonderful to meet you ❤ You are so lovely inside and out – I hope you're feeling better. Your London Zoo piece was perfect to share at the workshop, and how wonderful that you had the opportunity. I'll go over to it and comment more there.
Your clarification of why we write memoir, is excellent: 'The absolute point of memoir for me, is to share experience such that the reader can relate to it and possibly walk in the writer’s shoes for a few paces. There’s a lot to be learned about human nature and experience that way – hopefully enough to stretch our thinking so that we grow our understanding of others' I'm so glad that you've been able to cement a few notes as you excavate in readiness for the course as it continues. You've already reminded of one vital piece of feedback I hope to find a definitive answer to, regarding American English. Because I lived there so long, I use American expressions and words without thinking, forgetting which is which because it is natural for me, but I'm writing my memoir from the perspective of my much younger English, pre-America-residing self. And you're so right, It is so hard trying to decide which 'bits' the reader wants to know. We shall talk!
As for writing in the third person, I love what Carole above wrote and I agree. Even more powerful sometimes I think, in that you are able to write a particularly painful piece whilst also stepping outside of the experience; protecting yourself while able to write it with just as much emotion. You are a brave and beautiful woman Lisa… ❤
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April 19, 2016 at 3:55 pm
Gets your points across just as well as if you had written it in the first person. Harrowing
Carole x
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April 19, 2016 at 8:35 am
Jealous of your 11 week course. Wish I could join you and Sherri. I think you have hit the nail on the head for the reader in gaining understanding of your life experience they can make sense of their own or understand another person’s, it can show that they are not alone with their feelings and articulate for them how they themselves feel. Perhaps it will offer hope. It is an interesting concept the different selves that you are and you are no longer the sick Lisa and I can understand you not wanting to go back there but I would suggest that no matter how hard you tried you can never portray that past person accurately as the present day person brings their world view, knowledge and experiences to the creation of the narrated self. It is a fascinating subject in itself. I have commented on your beautiful excerpt on its page.
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April 18, 2016 at 11:21 pm
Enjoy this wonderful new experience, Lisa. I am sure you will find wonderful solutions to creative problems in your memoir.
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April 18, 2016 at 7:03 pm
Hope it goes well and delivers what you hope. Much love, Sheila and Harryxx
Sent from my iPad
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April 18, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Thank you folks! So looking forward to it 😀 Hope your holiday is delivering too! xxx
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April 18, 2016 at 4:40 pm
I don’t think it matters but maybe you could look at why that is. I love that you want to keep people feeling a “new kind of ‘success’.” Not failure. Have a wonderful time. I know you will because you’ll be learning and sharing. And hanging with Sherri! 💖 Best to you both. Wish I could be there with you two.
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April 18, 2016 at 5:22 pm
I know exactly why Sarah. I can’t face it full on, but I think it’s still worth sharing. And I find that confronting things that affect the rest of my life is usually valuable and transferable. It’s the only thing that enables me to find the ‘new kind of successes’ – warts an’ all. I know that’s not for everyone but if they don’t try it, how can they know what it’s like? It’ll be interesting to see what other readers or writers of memoir think 😎
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April 18, 2016 at 6:16 pm
I still think it’s worth sharing, too. You are brave and awesome. 💖
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