I’m on a train. I have 1,687 words of Scrivenings dumped into a Pages file to come up with this week’s blog post. I know is way too much – both for the reader and the time available to tidy it up. But it’s time to get something out there because I am quietly attempting to post every week. A small achievement in the blogging world I know. I blog but I can’t quite call myself a blogger.
I’ll happily call myself a reader though. An avid reader. I’ve been reading since before patches for a squint came off my good eye at 7. But although my entire life has involved writing and some of it professionally to exacting standards, some of it emotionally driven expression – everything from love letters to computer user manuals; poems to carefully constructed destruction of employees’ contracts – I can reduce people to tears in all manner of ways..
And for the past 2.5 years I’ve been writing something a lot of the time from memoir to flash fiction, blogs posts to essays and articles. Yet I’m still struggling to call myself a writer..
This is clearly about how I believe the outside world would validate what I do. It’s how I spend a lot of my ‘productive’ time. Everyone else in my situation would agree I’m some sort of writer, but it’s a bit like the person who spends a lot of time in their own garden every day, planting, pruning, watering, nurturing. They’re not a ‘gardener’ as such – doesn’t the term imply providing gardening services for other people in return for payment of some kind?
It feels the same with writing. I’m struggling with the title ‘writer’ because generally I’m not paid. There are other rewards but outsiders might see it as a hobby not an occupation. Even an out of work actor is still an actor. But an unpublished or unpaid writer? What is that? Just a way of passing time? A pastime.
If I were an accountant or doctor, I would always be those even when I wasn’t working. I think I’m right in saying I can always call myself a psychologist. I can call myself a coach. I’m qualified in both although I’ve spent much more time at the practice of writing.
And I’m a better writer than either of those two labels.
The person who ‘spends a lot of time in their garden’ does that with more love and care than the person beholden to a paycheque, surely? Also where there’s choice to invest time in long term rewards doesn’t this allow for greater growth and vision? The planting of saplings that will eventually bear fruit? Who then is the better, more successful gardener?
Who the better writer? It probably depends who’s asking. I’m busy crawling up the backside of my own angst about this because Charli at the Carrot Ranch is rounding up bios for the Congress of Rough Writers. Somehow she calls me a writer and by default maybe the rest of that particular gang. But as we all attest, it’s a difficult label to assign yourself in the company of corporate types who think in terms of rankings, ratings and remuneration.
I’m disturbed by writing a bio because it implies I am describing myself as a writer. There’s more to come on this in the next post – My train is nearly there and I still have about 1,300 words of scrivenings left to synthesis more ideas.
In the meantime my social anthropology hat as participant-observer in the writing underclass tells me I’m not alone with this uncomfortable conundrum. I know the problem with the label is external to me. I feel like a writer. It’s just proving hard to say out loud.
What about you? What makes a writer a writer for you? If you’re further down the acknowledge path of success, can you remember the moment you ‘became a writer’? What defined it for you?
Since posting this I had several enlightening and inspiring twitter and blog comments (see below – and please do add more) that I answered my own questions with You Know You’re A Writer Because .. 7 Reason Why You Are A Writer
April 12, 2016 at 8:42 pm
Hi, glad I came across this – a friend of yours recommended I read it after seeing a post I wrote on the same theme:https://lovelaughtertruthblog.com/2016/04/03/me-my-blog-i/
Hope you like it, seems we’ve been pondering the same things 🙂
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April 12, 2016 at 9:00 pm
Hi Matthew and welcome to my intense musings! I see we’re on the same page – great post 😀
(and thank you Paula)
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April 12, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Definitely! And thank you Paula 🙂
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February 25, 2016 at 8:45 pm
What can I add to all these wonderful comments? Lisa…you are a writer, but I understand exactly how you feel. It took me a long time to actually call myself a writer. I didn’t dare. When I had a few articles published in magazines, even then I didn’t feel worthy. But I realised I had to define myself properly, otherwise I couldn’t ‘own’ the process. Just like we own our memoirs, our unique stories, we have to own who we are. And we are, by definition, writers, pure and simple. But it is the title of ‘Author’ that I will never use until (have to believe, have to believe…) my book is published. When people ask what I do and tell them I am a writer, it feels good now. I don’t mumble it and burn with embarrasment hoping they won’t think I am sitting in my cute, flowery summerhouse playing with pretty pencils and paper and tapping away aimlessly. Now I say it with conviction. But oh I struggled. I don’t have writing qualifications, no connections to the publishing world, no fame or fortune. How dare I enter this writer’s world, I’ve asked myself so many times. I am not worthy. But I had to start believing I was worthy. And once I did that, I was able at last to embrace the title of writer. By definition we are writers. You write. And you are a wonderful writer if your blog posts are anything to go by. Take it and run with it Lisa. Believe. Write. And then we’ll dance ❤
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February 26, 2016 at 9:08 pm
You are a way ahead of me Sherri so I really appreciate your perspective on this. I’ve found all these comments really helpful in distilling my own thoughts and intentions around writing. I think Anne has definitely hit the nail on the head with the actual query being a rite of passage!
I’m writing. I am a writer. Great reason to dance and thank you so much for complimenting my bloggering about on here! We all need a bit of external validation, don’t we ❤️
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February 25, 2016 at 4:33 am
I make my living writing. My actual title has the word “writer” in it. Not that grant writing – or technical writing, which I’ve also done – is what anyone considers art. I’ve actually heard people in these professions say apologetically that they’re not “real” writers. Apparently the fact that their writing pays bills is still insufficient validation. What’s that about, I wonder? There’s a character on Garrison Keillor’s A Prairie Home Companion I am particularly fond of, Bob the Writer. He works as a barista. He insists on calling himself “A writer who also serves coffee.” We laugh, of course. But it is tender laughter.
I consider writing a vocation. A calling. It is an essential element of my identity, and so the validation is both internal (I feel more myself when I do it than when I do not) and external (enough people I respect seem to think I am good at it). When I am at a storytelling conference where a great number of attendees make their living storytelling, I will usually qualify the label I apply to myself by saying it is an avocation, or by making it clear that I am not a “professional” storyteller. I do this out of respect for the time they have taken to polish their craft and the sacrifices they have made on its behalf – sacrifices I have not been willing to make. But I don’t have any problem calling someone who gardens a gardener, or someone who bicycles a bicyclist, or someone who writes a writer. I also try hard to remember that no one is defined entirely by what they do, anymore than they are defined by their relationships or their age or their gender.
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February 26, 2016 at 9:03 pm
Thanks Paula for drawing our attention to the flip-side of the coin. It hadn’t occurred to me that anyone earning a living through writing wouldn’t end up feeling justified calling themselves a writer. There’s something wider holding us back then surely. A society attitude to the label? Reserved for guru like charisma?!
I’m learning long-hand that any sort of writing seems to improve other writing. Of course there are specific tricks and requirements for the various genre including technical writing, but anything exercising those parts of the brain seems to grow the muscles to write other stuff!
I totally understand the calling and validation element. I realised a while ago now that I think differently through my pen. My thoughts put onto paper make more sense to me than through any other media. In fact I often cannot explain verbally to people, stuff that I have just crafted on a page. It’s a most bizarre experience!
I also agree with the sense of ‘gradation’ of being a writer. It is important to recognise extra effort or commitment – to some extent. But for me there are some elements that either are or either are not. Like being a parent. You either are or are not – there’ll always be the quality and quantity debate over time but my full-time working friends are no less mothers or fathers than me.
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February 24, 2016 at 10:35 pm
I’m nearly there -publishing my first book. Maybe when it hits the market I will feel like a writer. Maybe, if it sells, I will feel like a writer.
Maybe not!
Who knows?
fiddledeedeebooks.wordpress.com
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February 26, 2016 at 8:52 pm
Hi Dee!
Thank you for stopping by. You surely are a writer so good luck with publication and feeling like one!
Lisa
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February 24, 2016 at 7:50 am
I think this struggle comes down to writing for personal reasons versus professional. Somehow we feel we can claim the title if we get paid. Yes, I’d agree it is easier to claim I’m a writer because I make my living as such. So why do I feel more like a writer writing the things that don’t earn my a damn penny? Funny, but this is my discussion for Wrangling Words tomorrow at the library where not only will I claim to be a writer, I’ll grab that title of author, too. And while I’m at it…yes, I am a gardener! 😀 Maybe I just like titles. No, I like words. I like stories. I like to claim what I feel defines me on my own terms. I think every writer goes through this and it’s a right of passage to claim the “W” for our own.
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February 26, 2016 at 8:49 pm
It is a bizarre thing this writing for ourselves vs others. I can throw words out for someone else at twice, three times the rate – the speed of production is greatly satisfying but I know that’s possible because the content is not personal. When it’s personal even when it’s fiction, it grinds out quite a bit slower. Memoir is the slowest of all. I think dredging your soul slows everything up, but when you’ve done it well you’ve created the type of joy that only other artists can have some appreciation of.
We’ve also discussed before how the affirmation of an intention publicly, surely helps the end goal. You’ve posted clearer intentions than me Charli and I see you making faster progress! Thanks for being several steps ahead. I watch and learn 😀
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February 21, 2016 at 12:54 pm
I sometimes wonder why everyone seems to spend so much time thinking about whether or not they are ‘a writer’. Oh but look, here I am reading and commenting on a post about it! 😀
I would not describe myself verbally as ‘a writer’ because I think that means that you earn your living writing. For instance, if I was an accountant during the working week but did a bit of painting at the weekend and sometimes sold a picture, I’d describe myself as ‘an accountant’ not ‘an artist’. Yes, I earn money from my books but the money we live on comes from elsewhere. I describe myself as as a ‘writer’ on my Twitter bio because my Twitter profile is mostly about the writing side of me. On Facebook, I don’t, because that’s about my social and family side.
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February 21, 2016 at 8:26 pm
Thanks Terry! Everyone is offering something different in this thread. And I largely agree that there’s an expectation that money is to be exchanged for the title of writer. Perhaps I’m also too hung up on one label rather than embracing a number of them. No one activity or role invalidates another. And we do all have multiple roles and faces. 😀
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February 22, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Oh yes – “No one activity or role invalidates another” – absolutely! I say, forget the labels 🙂
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February 20, 2016 at 5:44 pm
I’d say intentionality is the key. Who’s a teacher? Someone who has the intention or will to teach. A writer is someone who is making a conscious effort to write, and so on. That’s who you feel you are. On the other hand we have what other people may consider a writer: someone who has published, someone who makes a living out of writing, etc. Without the intention anything else is useless. Emily Dickinson said she didn’t want her work published. She should have destroyed it instead of making carefully bound notebooks to be found after her death. Her intention was clear. If I don’t want you to read this, I’ll delete it. If I don’t, I know someone may read it and I’m consenting. It’s my intention to communicate and it’s obviously your intention to write. Sorry for this stream of consciousness rant😨
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February 21, 2016 at 8:20 pm
I really love this notion of intentionality as well, Luccia. I certainly do intend to be a writer, I practice a fair amount at being a writer and I explore my craft to make it better. So I intend to be a writer.
Thank you for the stream of consciousness – it’s often a rich source of understanding more than a rant! 🙂
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February 21, 2016 at 10:23 pm
I don’t know when I’ll ever ‘be’ a writer as in an accomplished state. For me it’s all about the ‘process’ of being a writer and I’ll probably never ‘get’ there, because that would be the end and I’d have nowhere to go, and that is somewhere I don’t want to be, so I’m sure I’ll never stop intending to be a writer, and that fills me with hope and enthusiasm. I’m happier when I write and interact with this wonderful community of people who love to write, and that’s why I keep writing, and commenting on inspiring blog posts. You’re definitely my kind of writer, Lisa, because I like to read what you write, so keep writing 💖 and sharing. Second rant inspired by a glass of wine. Cheers🍷
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February 20, 2016 at 8:14 am
I share your angst, and agree with Anne’s being impressed by your writing a post on the train! I look forward to the next installment, and to reading your bio. I rewrote my bio recently and described myself as an educator, and then used doing words: I teach. I write. I create. I do all of those things. How well could be debated, but the truth cannot be denied.
Why do we need a label? People often ask, “What do you do?” and we respond with “I am a …”. It doesn’t really answer the question. Maybe we should just say what we do. We write. You write. I write. They write. The addition of the suffix ‘er’ turns a doing word into a naming word. By definition we are writers! 🙂
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February 21, 2016 at 12:12 pm
Norah, I love the educator’s simplification of turning the ‘doing’ word into a ‘naming’ word. How easy to accept. And then again, in other contexts I remember how important it is to stay only with the actions and not to ascribe the label of the naming word. – I’m thinking when children do naughty things and how damaging it is to say you’re a naughty boy rather than that was a naughty thing to do. There’s more power and certainty in one. (And more damage) On the positive side it might also explain why it is easier to say I write than I am a writer. There’s more ownership and permanence about the second phrase. Hmmm. We’re getting somewhere here aren’t we?!
And I’m fast onto having to edit my ‘About’ Page for this blog aren’t I!? There’s an implied assumption I might do that as well as a little bio for Charli but I daren’t even take another look at that right now. I think there are a fair few bits to cringe over.. However it does illustrate how writing is a practice and a practice that has been a large part of my self- development over the life span of this blog – so long as I can prove that by doing better.. Agh! Lol 😀
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February 21, 2016 at 12:41 pm
Hmm. Interesting. That was a writerly thing to do. Yes, we are getting somewhere. If only we knew where! 🙂
About pages are so difficult. I just re-read yours. you have lots of interesting information on your page. I see there is a big birthday coming up soon. Please let us know when so we can celebrate! Actually, I take that back. It’s only a little birthday, but it has a 0 on the end. We tend to think of those as more important. Your number will only ever be little compared to mine. All of mine are big now. There’s a very famous song about my number this year! 🙂
I agree. Writing takes practice, practice, practice! Will we ever get the writing right?
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February 21, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Hee hee! Would that be one by the Beetles!? Really! Wearing well is all I can say. And not so big really.
I’m wondering just how to celebrate my milestone – I feel it might deserve marking but crikey, I agree, it is just a number with a zero at the end. 😘
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February 22, 2016 at 11:32 am
Yeah, but it’s a nice one. Half a century. Hub and I are the same age, he’s just six weeks older. So when we turned that age we had a huge combined party. I’m pleased we did. I wouldn’t have the energy or the interest to do it now, and many of those celebrating with us then are no longer with us. I think it is wonderful – half a century is quite an achievement.
Yes. It is a Beetle’s song I have to admit. I’ve been humming it to myself all evening! I’m just not going to let myself forget it! 🙂
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February 20, 2016 at 3:22 am
Hmm – I like to write, I love words, I love arranging words, telling a story. But am I a writer – I don’t know. To call oneself a writer seems kind of haughty, perhaps pompous, seems like maybe I am not worthy of that title yet. Am I a blogger – no probably not – don’t post regularly enough to be referred to as a blogger. I am just me, who likes to write, who likes to write blog posts when I have something to say. I like to garden too, if I don’t have to weed. I hate weeding. I hate editing, which is kind of like weeding words. Maybe I am a writing gardener. Who knows.
It’s nice to know other people ponder these things.
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February 21, 2016 at 12:02 pm
See.. You’re comfortable enough in your own skin for this issue not to matter, it seems to me. How I envy what your life must be like! Perfectionism and the need for external validation to scrape my self-esteem together have ruled my life – less and less I hope but I can only wonder at what a life without them might be like.
Glad you still take time to ponder the issue. I like that a dislike of editing and weeding seem related.. Thank you
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February 20, 2016 at 2:35 am
Hahaha! “because I am quietly attempting to post every week…” Pfft! I’ve never called myself a “blogger”.
Aw, Lisa. You know I am struggling with this. Big time. I HATE writing bios. I think I wrote three blog posts about it just so I didn’t have to do it. I jest but I do hate them.
I have written two posts (yet to be published) and am currently writing another on writing/writer/labels/what-the-hell-am-I-doing. We are usually on the same page so I feel your pain. Except that, as of very recently, I have fully embraced the “writer” title. I am a writer. Always have been. Matter of fact, I revised my ‘about’ page to include (in tiny letters at the very bottom) “I am a writer. It’s what I do. It’s who I am.” You, my friend, are a writer, too. ❤
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February 20, 2016 at 8:04 am
So pleased to hear of that addition to your bio, Sarah! 🙂
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February 21, 2016 at 11:58 am
So Psycho-doppelgänger – I’ve just indulged in your fab updated ‘About Me’ page – I’d missed the Masters in Writing if it was there before – dear god, I am now not worthy. I don’t have that badge. If I did, this whole ‘call myself a writer’ thing would be a whole lot easier. I’m drawing comfort from Geoff’s reminder that some of the greats in other fields have been amateurs! And I love Anne’s idea that this exploration is a rite of passage in itself.
I’m still busy burning words onto paper exploring what’s going on in my head (self coach by pen) trying to get to the root of some of why I’m squirming over a flippin’ 75 word bio for Charli!
Looking forward to sharing what you say on the subject too. This discussion is helping clear my head.
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February 23, 2016 at 8:00 pm
The degree has always been on my about page. But what of it? You didn’t even notice it all this time. !!! How important can it be, then? I’m not against education and, yes, I spent years studying but can’t one study and still be human? Seriously. We are people. Writers. We are plagued with self-doubt or we are not. Regardless of a piece of paper.
I’ve always struggled with this (as MANY others have). You’re right. Just because you garden or paint or sing does not mean you ARE a gardener or painter or singer. I’ve written so many posts about this. (Too many.) About separating who we are from what we do and when we can give ourselves a title.
When can you call yourself a writer? I still don’t know. Education is good but it can come in many forms – professional degrees, workshops, conferences, classes, practice…
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February 19, 2016 at 7:48 pm
O yes this is very resonant. I doubt there is any one with any shred of sensitivity who hasn’t had this very same argument with themselves. Let’s clear up one misnomer. Being a professional, as opposed to being professional in what you do, connotes, to me being remunerated in some way. But there have always been amateurs. Sports people as a classic example. No one said, say, Jesse Owens wasn’t an Olympic athlete because he was an amateur. You do not need to earn at something to carry that description with honesty. Second point. I struggled for ever saying it – still do and I’m happier saying to strangers ‘I write’ than ‘I’m a writer’. But I recognise that those who understand what is involved in what I do see me as a writer. I don’t dabble, scribble a idea here and there – I seriously work at getting the best prose and poems onto paper (well, metaphorically) as I can. Lucy says that publication will be her validation and it’s not uncommon. It did help me some (though it isn’t a panacea – self publishing meant I was almost always asked ‘Who publishes you’ like it matters). But that comes from people without the understanding. Publication stopped me tinkering; it wasn’t what I needed to be able to say ‘writer’ after my name. I think you need to trust others who are in this game. We embrace you as one of our own. We are your validation as Charli has made self evident. Lisa Reiter, throw off that modesty cloak. You are a writer, goddammit and blast!
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February 21, 2016 at 11:40 am
Geoff, I love this take on professions and professional. Thank you. ❤️ I’d never looked at it quite from this angle. It makes me feel a whole lot more comfortable. I could even say the term amateur writer out loud. That might do the trick for now.
And I think it’s a perfectionist’s cloak I wear not so much a modesty cloak! Although you have me thinking that the two might hang on the same rail..
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February 19, 2016 at 7:37 pm
You’re right that this is an issue that many of us grapple with – I certainly have done. Maybe it’s a post like this that is the rite of passage to becoming a writer! But I also think that if you’re working on a book length project you definitely qualify. Also by writing your blog post on the train – very impressive!
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February 20, 2016 at 11:44 am
I love the idea that I come into being as a Writer at the point I decide to confront the label..
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February 19, 2016 at 6:50 pm
Your posts always speak to me 🙂 I can really relate to this. I struggle with the term writer but I can’t stop writing stuff. I think like a writer, act like a writer. My problem is I don’t have a book out there. My brain thinks ‘self published / publisher book’ equates to ‘writer’. I feel like I am currently in no man’s land.
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February 21, 2016 at 10:21 am
Well, you at leat have published a couple of series on your blog site. I think that’s more ‘evidence’ of being a writer than I can currently offer! BUT no man’s land is a good way of describing the inbetweeners on this one. I’ve definitely left the world of non- writers ( they no longer know what I’m talking about half the time) but without some external confirmation don’t quite feel I’ve moved into Writersville properly yet – a hobo on its streets perhaps!
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