Bad backs make for boring blog posts but a mention is necessary to explain why I haven’t posted for 7 months. Another reason was a grim, but unrealised reaction to an anti-fungal drug I was taking. It slowly cranked the ratchet on minor inflammatory conditions til they were all fairly major. I could no longer stand at the beautiful Varidesk and I couldn’t sit either. Brain fog was an inadequate description of my mental capacity!

I’m just about back to where I was; trying to write a memoir, trying to engineer a bit of company whilst I do it and trying in a haphazard way to help a few folks as I go.
The helping other people tends to be in private but did spark ideas for the Chemo Brain series and Bite Size Memoir and some other stuff in slow progress.
I am interested in lots of things but I’m trying to contain them here to Writing and Cancer Survivorship. There will undoubtably be whole load of Random that sneaks in but if you only pop by occasionally to see what’s new I hope you can easily filter the pieces you want to read. I need to do more work on categories and tags to help with that.

As my blog tries to be several things, that has inevitably meant I have two distinct types of reader.

The majority are silent – Visitors at times of need probably looking for information, possibly inspiration. They come every day whether I post or not.

A minority are a noisy supportive rabble of writers and bloggers all enjoying the intellectual exchange of creativity and mutual appreciation. They come for new posts, to comment and enjoy a social reciprocation. There’s a quick dopamine fix that comes with a ‘like’ or a comment and a significant rush from hitting the ‘publish’ button on a new post. An instant gratification I’m generally not achieving from the sporadic efforts on my memoir. So I miss it. And I want to come back but manage my presence without feeling obligated. It’s a balancing act and I suspect I’ll keep falling off the bar.

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The Beautiful Varidesk

There is also a third, often quiet bunch of friends and family who support me whatever I do or don’t. They are the constants. Thank you for reading and commenting in person.

I had hoped to encourage the various types of reader to meet in Bite Size Memoir. I sincerely hoped the little exercises might encourage people dealing with cancer and other life altering conditions to benefit from the therapeutic nature of expressive writing. That hasn’t worked despite the fun the rest of us have had. I’ll return to it when there’s space again. I miss that too – Little pieces done and dusted, polished to perfection and published. Ahh… So satisfying. So addictive but not getting the main job done unfortunately.

And my time is very limited. I’m still up and down out of my seat trying to prolong episodes at a keyboard. A different Physio is trying me with some different exercises. But hey, boring..

So my needs are still conflicting. I am uplifted by the dialogue a blog generates but am always in danger of it ruling my computer time. I’m not alone in owning up to feeling the pressures this generates. On Sunday Sarah Brentyn posted about Letting Go of Social Media. (I swear I had already drafted this.) Many of us are failing to get the balance right, ending up stressed or guilt ridden trying or failing to participate equitably in the blogosphere. (Some of these people do it so much I think they’re actually more than one person..That or they’re in prison with no other commitments. I have no way of proving it though..)

I wish I could stick to the routine I determined this time last year, but dare not. I’m trialling this more magazine styled blog theme and can only plan to be haphazard and irregular with different types of posts as I prioritise writing whilst always minding my back. I will be snacking and grazing and carefully watching my intake of blogolicious materials. I’m going to try to blog lite and hope you gourmands might tolerate my picky portion control.

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